There are some things in life which we can life without and some which we just simply can't bear to part with. My abstinence from a certain habit of mine has gotten me yearning for it more and more. Yesterday, I gave in to the desire, cravings and yearnings. To finally get to feel that feeling which makes you lose all sense of reality, that feeling which dissolves the world around you, that feeling which makes you lose yourself complete and let your guard down.
Able to breathe in it's scent, feel the texture with your fingers, dying to get high. God save me. I have refrained from this habit for so long that I almost forgot how high I use to get from doing it. I am still high from yesterday, but I think that it is beginning to wear off now, and I NEED to get my fix. I just need to experience it again. The joy which it brings, only I will understand. I finally understand why smokers find it so hard to quit. Especially when temptation is all around you. When you intend on kicking off a habit, you should never surround yourself with temptation as it only makes it harder to stop the habit. It doesn't help when people actually encourage you to do it. When you are tempted to do it, a small part of your brain tells you "No", but then the person whom you are with says "OK". What am I to do?
Yesterday, after 4 weeks of abstinence, I went SHOPPING. OMG. I thought that I was about to go totally mad. The shops, the clothes, the shoes, the things which I could buy!!!! OH MY GOD. It was like as if I died and went to heaven.
Allow me to list down the things which I bought:
1. A thai-silk baju kurung which I bought so that now my friends and I can "pakat-pakat" and wear the same thing to uni. LoL
2. A Bonita bag which I got because it was 70% less and the price was reduced from RM128 to RM38 something.
3. 3 for RM10 earrings and a ring for RM10 which matched the earrings.
4. A handphone bag which I thought was ugly at first but I bought it because it reminded me of my Grandma.( Not because she's ugly but because it looks old fashion and I thought it looked vintage but I don't think so anymore)
Since yesterday, I have had this longing feeling that I need to shop again because I did not get myself shoes. Every girl needs a collection of shoes. Plus, since there are sales, I should get my self more clothes. One can never have too much of clothes. I also feel like I didn't shop that much, and that I need to BUY more stuff. Even if I don't need it now, I might need it later. I should SHOP. I feel like I didn't buy anything yesterday, that what I bought was nothing compared to how I used to buy things like there was no tomorrow. I NEED TO SHOP.
Love,
Lady Sha Sha
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