Chaos

There is utter chaos around me.

Physically as well as psychologically.

I know I need to deal with it ASAP. But the thing is, every time I go “ Tomorrow, I will do this and that and finish this”, someone or something will crop up and I have to deal with it/them and delay what I planned and at the end of the day, there is just accumulated chaos.

I’ve reached the peak of it. I can’t stand the amount of chaos and lack of organization in my life.

I look at my table and I hyperventilate.

I don’t heart messy tables, I heart organized tables.

I was out the whole day  and when I came back to write my thesis, I saw my table and got irritated. Its such a mood killer!

I was going to clean it up tomorrow, and then I get a call from someone and looks like I wont be free to clean up my table tomorrow.

I seriously wish I could just vanish and go MIA for a weekend just so that I can get my life and TABLE back in order.

And I also need a new book case. The old one is full and I have so many new books but no where to put them!!!!

I NEED ORGANIZATION IN MY LIFE ASAP.

AND I NEED TO QUIT DELAYING STUFF!!!!

Masquerade

You always think you know a person,and then, something happens which changes everything.

This is applicable in relationships and friendships.

I guess people aren’t what they seem to be. I think people tend to masquerade in order to fit in. I don’t deny it, I masquerade as well, but not to fool people into thinking that I’m someone else, but to hide certain things to maintain my privacy. No matter what they tell you, if you confide in someone (unless that someone is trustworthy and you are extremely close to them), it is bound to get out. Maybe not immediately, but maybe 10 years down the road. Its human nature, don’t hate it, embrace it. Which explains why I rarely tell people really personal stuff about myself. But that’s because I have trust issues.

I’m not going to talk about my trust issues, I’m going to talk about people.

Have you ever attempted to study a person before?

I’m not asking you to judge them, I’m saying study them.

When you do so, you’ll realise certain characteristics about them, good and bad. You’ll also be able to predict their next move, and then you will realise how easy it is to understand people. Once you’ve studied them, you will have a rough idea about the way they think and their personality, and you can understand them better. Studying a person also helps you detect those who are masquerading and those who aren’t.

But not all of us have the time and skill to study a person. When we get the masquerading people, we take time to understand them, and accept them and get to know them, until one day, they take their mask off and you see the real person behind the mask and realise that you’ve been fooled. That is when you get the shock therapy and go, “ I never knew he/she was that kind of a person”.

You’ve been fooled to think that you knew them. You thought they were someone else, and it turns out that they weren’t.

I guess this happens a lot. And to most of us.

I think people should stop masquerading just to fit in. Because I think it is the same as lying and being fake.

Are you fake?

Are you a liar?

<untitled>

There was silence and there was chivalry.

Its nice to know that chivalry is not dead.

=)

Our imperfections

Nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws in character, some more than others. And there comes a time where you face a road-block because of your flaws,and you get freaking nervous! Honestly, I saw this coming. Nothing new.

It’s just that I’ll have to stand there and face the judgement and comments and whatever else which comes with it.

Its a FLAW.

Don’t JUDGE me.

:(

Upset.

Frustrated.

Depressed.

Sad.

Unprepared.

Disappointed.

Stressed.

Confused.

I just listed out my current emotions. All I want to do is curl up and cry my eyes out.

No matter what they say, at the end of the day, you realise they can’t do much.

At the end of the day, it is up to you. You realise that this is a solo journey, and passer-bys never stay long enough to share those emotions with you.

It’s.just.you.

They tell you they’ll be there  for you, but they wont. They just want to make you feel better for a brief second before allowing reality to set in. They say they care, but trust me, they only care about themselves, and you are there just to entertain them.

They say they understand you, but inside all they do is judge you. The only person who understands you is YOU.

So why bother?

Why bother to let them in?

Why bother to help them understand you?

Why?

Isn’t masquerading so much easier?

You tell me.

Why you should expect nothing.

Expectations are bad.

You anticipate something and when it doesn’t happen, you are shattered.

Or it could go the other way around, where people expect something from you and suddenly you feel pressured to live up to their expectations and when you don’t, you feel bad. :(

Have you ever tried NOT having any expectations?

When you don’t have any expectations, you will find that people around you are capable of surprising you.

You might just surprise yourself as well.

Moral of the story, say no to expectations!

=)

Exhaustion

Lack of sleep and too much of thinking makes me cranky. It is the end of the week, and I’ve been SUPER over worked this week. While others have been busy with their proposals, I was too..I was also busy with other things. And not to mention the lack of sleep! Definitely affected my productivity.

Today was the worst! I desperately needed sleep to function properly today and I din get that sleep. :(

I was practicing my presentation and it was literally like an outer-body experience. The one where you’re doing it on auto-pilot and have no idea what ur doing.

Gosh.

I.

Need.

Sleep.

Good night!