Uncertainty

Here we are again. Full circle, after 1 year. Waiting for the news. Wondering where we will be ordered to serve. And how that is going to affect our lives.

I’m afraid.

Am I ready to deal with what is out there?

Am I ready to leave this place which I have been wanting to leave for a very long time?

Deep down in the pit of my stomach, I have this feeling. The feeling that I’m not gonna be prepared to deal with leaving this place. I have become so accustomed to my life here, the people here, that I know if I have to leave this place, I would be heart-broken to a certain extent. No matter how much I try to prepare my self for the worst case scenario, I know that when it comes, I won’t be prepared at all. Reality really hit me hard today. These may or may not be the last couple of days I have left here with my friends. How am I going to spend it? I have had so much of good, and bad memories here, with all the good people I have come to know, I really am wondering how am I going to say goodbye to all of them.

I’m getting rather annoyed with the same question from different people. “Dah dapat posting?”  And also let us not forget the other lovely question, “Kalau dapat Sabah, U ok ke?” Seriously, I don’t get why people are so concerned with my postings. Most of them who asked me are merely busy bodies who have nothing else better to do.

I have tried to mentally prepare myself. But only God knows if I am ready to deal with what’s in store for me.

A dear good friend told me this, “God won’t send you somewhere you can’t survive”. Knowing that, I believe that wherever I’ll get posted to, I will accept it and just go with it.