The Year 2013

So, its 2013 and I haven't made any depressing entries yet! Kudos to me! :D

Sometime ago I noted that I only make blog entries when I am stressed or annoyed or when I have something to complain about. Well, one of my many new year's resolution is to STOP complaining (but I will from time-to-time, so pls just listen.. :p)

Well, before I begin ranting about the plans I have for 2013, lets take a moment, to look back and reflect on 2012. What can I say about 2012? It was a year full of learning. I learnt how to survive in a kampung, I fell in love with that kampung, I came back to the city, I was thrown into the depths of maniacal (if that even is a word) office politics, and now, in 2013, I realised that I have learnt so so SO much about life. :)

2012 was also the year where I took a long vay-cay alone minus parents and all in a land far far away with my bestie since I was 6 years old. Sydney was fun and awesome and I wished it didn't end, but like all good things, it ended and a month has passed, but every 2 days or so I will reminisce and miss the 7 days and 6 nights I spent there with my awesome buddy. :) p/s: pics are on FB!!

So,its already almost the end of the first month of 2013 and I gotta say, things are looking good for me! :p

Seriously. 

I somehow managed to create this invisible wall around me when I work, so now, I just work, and talk with the people I work with about "neutral" things, and life goes on. With no drama. :) 

I'll also be heading to Chiang Mai for 5 days starting this Thursday, so there's another adventure for me! yay!! 

Am also planning to head to Sabah to see some people which I've missed over the years and some people who have recently moved there for work purposes. Also let us not forget my trip to Singapore!! :D

My current TV addictions are; Downton Abbey, TVD, Greys, PLL, New Girl & Hart of Dixie.

M patiently waiting for the return of Game of Thrones and also Borgias.. 2 amazing and dramatic shows. By the way, has anyone watched The Carrie Diaries? Its a prequal to SATC, and I also think its an attempt to replace GG. Yes, GG has ended, and to those whom have not watched it yet, I shall not spoil it for u. :) Ripper street is also a new series which I've only watched the first episode. It looks interesting, and I guess I would need to watch a few more episodes before I decide whether or not its worth watching. But I have to say, my most serious addiction is Downton Abbey. I guess since I'm an Austen fan, and my favourite book from her is Pride and Prejudice and Downton resembles that story in many ways, hence, I'm addicted to it. I just feel that in Downton, the roles are reversed, where the girl is rich and the guy isn't. I'm only at Season 2 right now but I'm seriously wishing that Lady Mary and Matthew become an item! Also, Idol has started, and for some reason, I don't feel like watching it anymore.. maybe its because of the new judges, or maybe because nowadays, yours truly is a fan of The Voice! :p 

Yes. So far 2013 is looking good for me! So I'm really hoping that it will stay this way for another 11 months or so, cause I really need it to be that way.

Crazy..

I am officially GOING CRAZY with the drama here. Like seriously, I just came back to work after like a week’s holiday.. and guess what?? there was an email waiting for me in my inbox, just waiting to explode with drama!

And I couldn’t care less of what it says.

Honestly, if we really cared of what EVERY SINGLE PERSON thought about the way we work.. we will never be able to do it.

Sham is thinking happy thoughts now.. not about thoughts of the email which accused me of things i didn’t even do because I didn’t even have the resources to do! Like seriously, I may know a thing or 2 about back-stabbing, but you’re not worth the trouble backstabbing cause you have no value to me.

I think every time some idiot does something to piss me off, I will repeat the mantra,”I am here to work, not to make friends” :)

In between

I HATE OFFICE POLITICS!!

When you’re nice to A who is archenemies with B, then you become enemies with B, but if you’re already friends with A and be nice to B, A will not be happy with you and sees you as a “traitor” when in reality, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!!! ITS LIKE WALKING ON A TIGHTROPE!

Never in a million years did I think that I would be most preoccupied by office drama. I thought I was working with grown-ups but it feels like I’m going to kindergarten. SERIOUSLY, IT IS EXHAUSTING.

I guess I will take to heart what a good friend once said, “I am here to work, not make friends”. So yea, I already have good people who call themselves my friends, so I guess I don’t have to be BFFs with anyone else.

Sometimes I wonder why people like to consume themselves with unnecessary drama. What does it get you? WHY do you need to be so selfish?

You know what I’ve learnt? The so called “kampung” people are way, WAY nicer than the “city folk”. The “city folk” are so caught up in being “in” or God-knows-what that I believe they have lost a substantial amount of humanity from their souls. (Sorry if I am being abit harsh here, but I WILL NEVER GET WHY THESE PEOPLE ARE MEAN TO EACH OTHER!!!!!!)

“Kampung” people are simple people who knows what RESPECT is. And honestly, I feel that “city folk” are superficial, self-centered people. I consider myself a “city-folk” but hey, living in a simple town for a year has taught me many things about life and one of them is about respect for others.

In my “simple life” I had job satisfaction. Now, I don’t have that anymore. I feel redundant! I guess when you focus so much on drama, you have less job satisfaction.

So the conclusion of my inconclusive rantings above are… I AM GONNA REMAIN NEUTRAL. I WILL NOT TAKE SIDES. AND I AM HERE TO WORK AND NOT TO MAKE FRIENDS. I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH AWESOME FRIENDS IN MY LIFE. TQVM!

The rough sea

Most of the times I wish that I never came back.

I miss the times where people around you are sincere, honest and NICE.

If I could go back in time, I would have told myself to stay on and not come back.

I’m so used to niceness that I feel suffocated by the politics and drama.

I take back whatever negative thing I have said about KB. And I wouldn’t mind another 4 years there. At least I would be happy.

:(

A rough fresh start

What does it feel like to be a FRP?

It feels heavy for me. I’m still fresh out of being a PRP. I got sent to a computerised hospital but I was trained in a manual hospital therefore I’m having some trouble transitioning, but all will be well in time, I believe as this is just a phase.

Everything seems new and different here. If I were a pegawai at my old place, I think I would have the confidence to manage what I’m suppose to manage, but here, where everything seems so alien to what I have come to known, I must say, I don’t have the confidence. But it will all come in time, I’m really hoping on that.

With this new phase I’m going through, I’m really glad to have the support and encouragement from my friends, both from KL and KB. I suddenly feel blessed to have many people cheering me on, and giving me support. And I thank God for that.

To my buddy, Huey Chin, hang on in there!!! I believe I will be calling u for advice on how to handle TDM cases soon! :) and p/s, I miss our morning chats over breakfast. :(

An ending to another chapter..

27/8/2012

The day I found out I got my FRP posting. At 3.40pm to be exact. Was told that I’ll be heading back to Selangor, Huey Chin will stay back in Kelantan, and Boy will go home to Sabah. Celebrated with frens. Ate some cake.

28/8/2012

My last day as a PRP at HRPZ II. Said my goodbyes. Took some pictures. Shed some tears. Celebrated Owi’s birthday. Ate some more cake.

29/8/2012

The day of packing. Met Akila. Had a good time chatting. Came home, continued to pack. Went for dinner with boy, one last time. Showed him the Kelantan river. Hung out at the clock tower till it was 8pm just to hear it ring. Sent him off to the airport. Made a scene at the departure counter. Came home, chatted with Huey Chin for 1++ hours. Pissed off with the house owner for turning off the internet.

30/8/2012

B’fast at Capitol. Ate their famous Nasi Dagang. Went to hospital to submit off forms. Said Goodbye to my dearest housemate. Shed some tears.. Picked up parents from the airport..took them for lunch. Sent them to the hotel. Packed up what was remaining. Found the surprise from Huey Chin!:D Officially moved out of the house.

31/8/2012

So here I am. Blogging once again from the hotel room. Getting ready to pay a visit to Pantai Irama later in the evening with my parents. I am a satisfied shopper today. Went to Pasar Siti Khadijah and bought the prettiest batiks I could find. You know what they say, they can’t make better batik than in Kelantan. OK fine. They don’t say that. I just made that up. Can’t believe today is my last day here. Will be heading back to KL tomorrow morning.( 8 hours of driving, God please bless my soul and pls give me patience) I think I will feed my self well before embarking from KB. I’m gonna miss this place. It will always have a special place in my heart. No matter how much I hated it here when I came here last year, the people I met here, the experience I got here, made me fall in love with this place. I’m scared to go to a new place. Everything will be new there. The people, the place, the work flow. I will need to adjust my self again.

I guess the main reason I’m feeling sad leaving this place is because of the family I found here. As Akila said, “Its not the place which you will miss, its the people you met here and the friends you are leaving behind.” I could not have said it any differently I guess. I have had the most AMAZING housemate. Being friends with a person is different. Living with them is another thing. I guess I have been blessed to have had good housemates/roommates when I was in Malacca and now here. Huey Chin, thank you for being the most understanding person here. Thank you for being there in my darkest moments, for teaching me how to “change facts” when the situation asks for it, and how to be a lesser diva! I could not have asked for a better housemate. I hope whomever the next person is, they won’t be as nice as me. No, its not that I want to curse you, I just don’t want to be replaced.. :( And if that BF of yours bullies you (which I don’t think he will), pls know that you can slap him.

To all the other amazing people who have been my close friend at HRPZ II, I greatly treasure the time and memories we had together. Hopefully, in the future, I would get to work with you guys and hang out with u guys again.

Its that time of my life, where I start a new chapter again. Last year, I went from undergrad to PRP. Now, I’m going from PRP to FRP. Hope everything goes well.

See you in SELANGOR!!! :)

Uncertainty

Here we are again. Full circle, after 1 year. Waiting for the news. Wondering where we will be ordered to serve. And how that is going to affect our lives.

I’m afraid.

Am I ready to deal with what is out there?

Am I ready to leave this place which I have been wanting to leave for a very long time?

Deep down in the pit of my stomach, I have this feeling. The feeling that I’m not gonna be prepared to deal with leaving this place. I have become so accustomed to my life here, the people here, that I know if I have to leave this place, I would be heart-broken to a certain extent. No matter how much I try to prepare my self for the worst case scenario, I know that when it comes, I won’t be prepared at all. Reality really hit me hard today. These may or may not be the last couple of days I have left here with my friends. How am I going to spend it? I have had so much of good, and bad memories here, with all the good people I have come to know, I really am wondering how am I going to say goodbye to all of them.

I’m getting rather annoyed with the same question from different people. “Dah dapat posting?”  And also let us not forget the other lovely question, “Kalau dapat Sabah, U ok ke?” Seriously, I don’t get why people are so concerned with my postings. Most of them who asked me are merely busy bodies who have nothing else better to do.

I have tried to mentally prepare myself. But only God knows if I am ready to deal with what’s in store for me.

A dear good friend told me this, “God won’t send you somewhere you can’t survive”. Knowing that, I believe that wherever I’ll get posted to, I will accept it and just go with it.